Untitled - dated 16/02/2019

I mourn, not for myself,

Not for the mistake I made 

But for the grave error of going in feet first

I mourn for the humanity and my trying to see the best in you

I mourn for believing in you

I mourn for all the failed opportunities to step up

The missed chances to show me that I didn't make a mistake in choosing you

I mourn for I can see the inevitable end

And yet we barely begun

I mourn for the partner I had hoped I would have 

For he does not exist. Perhaps only in my mind, where I conjured him. Not in the reality I live every single day, every single moment. 

So it goes! So it goes! 

Untitled - found an old poem dated 16/02/2019

Finding the courage to own our story

I don't have to barter or bargain for my worth 

I was born worthy

I am worth it. 

Chrismas Cheer!

 Oh Christmas cheer, so pure and bright,

My heart delights,

Love's sweet magic can be found,

As we dance to the sweetest sound.

 

Our eyes meet in One quick glance,

Oh how I wish, we could dance.

My body held in your sweet embrace

In this magical place

Where we will dance and sing all night

I pray you will not leave my sight

 

Starry, starry night

After a day of the sun shining so bright

Now in this evening's warm breeze

Stay with me and linger near, please  

An Ode to Embracing Kenya's Heritage

Oh, how the roads whisper tales of the past.

Colonial names etched in the city's vast.

But now it's time for a beautiful change.

To celebrate Kenyan heroes, brave and strange.

No longer shall our streets bear foreign marks.

Instead, they'll echo with the names of our sparks.

For Mekatilili, the road shall proudly roar.

And Dedan Kimathi's legacy shall soar.

Wangari Maathai, her name shall grace the tarmac.

And Tom Mboya's spirit will never slack.

These roads will pave the way for our story,

Honouring our own, in all their glory.

So let the signs reflect our nation's pride.

Renaming the roads, a symbolic stride.

For Kenyan history deserves its due.

In every street name, a tribute anew.

This Part of my life is called Catching a break

I broke my phone screen earlier today. It was fine one minute then it wasn’t in the next. I feel like life is a lot like that screen. A lot can change in a split second. We are here one minute then we’re not in the next. I was working in Nairobi one minute then I was got posted to work in Voi. Granted its been a whole month of slowly relocating, but I remember the moments vividly, the craziness that was my last day, my decision not to go back, staying home for a couple of weeks, reporting day, and finally coming down to start working. 

I hated the weekday mornings in Nairobi. They forced me to be in full zombie autopilot mode. Later in the evening, depending on what time I left work, more zombie mode. With just enough energy to get me home. But here things are so different. I work 10 minutes away from the house. My house. Feels a lot more like my house, not an overpriced place I lay my head for a few hours every day. Not my parents home, not my boyfriend/husband’s home, not our home, but all mine. I feel like I just went to zombie mode, and just trying to get through my days alive, to feeling alive. I feel a lot more awake, aware, in control even. I hope you noticed, I'm feeling more and I am acknowledging how I am feeling. 

Its hot down here. Really hot. And heat comes and goes in waves. Which has brought its own interesting perk, nudity. Do I call it solitary nudity, mostly out of necessity but I have to admit I’m enjoying it. Im getting more comfortable in my own skin. I have to look at more of it anywhere. But im finally writing. Approximately a month after my great move. I’ve been filling up my evenings with tv shows and movies. To help the night go along faster. I have been in disbelief about being here. After things going horribly wrong for a while, my brain still has its guard up. Like this could be gone in a second and I'll be on the next bus back to my parents house. So I have been avoiding exhaling. But thing about breathing is you have to let up the air, your body just wont let you do anything else. So slowly I've been breathing out. 

Really wanted to hit the gym, to maintain the fast pace that I am used to. But the gym is under-equipped and there is the problem with small towns, leery men. Lots and lots of leery men. So this has left me with a lot of freetime in my house. So I need another project. But until then  I am enjoying the break. 

Sugar Sweet

My Sugar, my sweet

        My love, my fate

All my senses lit

        At the sound of your voice

The tap of your feet

        The touch of your hand

My sugar, my sweet

        You’re there, then you’re not

You’re here and then you leave

        Leave me there, hanging

Leave me wanting to cry

My sugar, my sweet

        I cannot cry for you

I will not shed a single tear

        For I knew this day would come

You always belonged to another

My sugar, my sweet

        I guess this is goodbye

The parting of ways

        The breaking of hearts

Just, its only me that’s broken

My sugar, my sweet

        How I’ll miss your lips

How I’ll miss your sweetness

        That sweetness that lingers

On and on and on

My sugar, my sweet

        How I envy the keeper of your lips

How I envy her

        Yet, how I honour her

To have tamed you was quite the fete

My sugar, my sweet

        Fare thee well

For you were never mine to keep. 

Sauti Sol/ Asa Hugemongous Mash-Up: Part 2